There are 12 months, 365 days in a year, 11 official holidays, not to mention all those unofficial celebrations like office parties, birthday parties, anniversary parties, weddings and the list goes on and on…and I…have an eating disorder.
I don’t want to become a recluse, but anyone with an eating disorder knows how hard it is to manage all the food you find on all the days and celebrations listed above. Frankly, it’s overwhelming.
To think, I have almost a whole year before me. All those days that I dread, that I fear will become another disaster because my eating disorder overtakes all rationality. The familiar battle of full on resistance or reckless abandon. Do I dare open the door by grabbing a plate? Can I eat in moderation today? Or do I go the safer route of not eating at all but feeling like a lifeless observer of these supposedly joyous moments?
The problem is parties aren’t just the problem. Eating disorders don’t take a holiday. They’re with us every day of the week, the month and the year. How many times have I asked myself “why” and told myself I will learn to control it, to change my behaviors, to establish a healthy relationship with food. After all, we have to eat.
Well, New Year’s has long since passed so all the resolutions I made are out the window. What next? Friends have reached out to me. Asked how they can help me overcome this overpowering problem. Problem, however, seems a shallow and rather hollow definition of what I face, all of us face, with an eating disorder.
It’s much deeper than that. It rocks your very being. It’s a daily wrestling match with my conscience. But, I am happy to report that I have taken steps to put this monster to rest. And yes, I look forward to the day where I can look at food as both pleasure and sustenance, something I can enjoy in moderation, a friend that refuels my mind and body for the day ahead.
So, to me, to everyone that deals with an eating disorder, it’s time to take life one day at a time, all 12 months, all 365 days a year because there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Posted on Mar 14
by Brian May filed under