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If I Were A Flower…

If I Were A Flower…

If I were a flower, I’d want to be the most colorful bloom in the garden. There I’d stand, a presence to be recognized and appreciated. One that drew smiles and laughter from those who saw me as they walked by the picket fence in the front yard.  Makes sense, after all, this is spring. It’s a time for rebirth, a new beginning. A time to shed what's past and look
to the present.

But I…don’t feel colorful. The spirit of spring hasn’t taken hold in my heart. Instead, I’m the bulb that hasn’t bloomed. That’s stuck in the garden, in its old ways. In a past I’d like to leave behind me and never set sight on again. I suffer from addiction. Drugs, alcohol, you name it. They’ve made my life a living hell. And the joys of spring are the furthest thing from my troubled mind.

My friends call and I don’t answer the phone. “How about a glass of wine after work,” one says. If only I could stop at a glass. Another wants me to join a small group for a weekend retreat to celebrate the coming of spring. “There’ll be plenty to eat and drink,” she says. I say, “Thanks, but not this weekend, I have other plans.”

Why can’t I be the flower that blooms anew in spring?  The one with a happy outlook on life. The one that takes in all the beauty and wonder that spring has to offer?  It’s time I put my addiction to rest.

Recovery is such a big step. I have thought about it many times. Now that spring has arrived and the world of nature has come to life, now is the perfect time to embark on that journey. I hesitate, however, for I am entering the unknown. I will have to face myself and that... troubles me. 

But as I look at the trees bare branches and see small sprouts of green peering through on their tips. As I watch the tender buds on spring’s flowers burst forth with colors I never knew existed. As I listen to the many songs of the season’s birds, welcoming these and other wonders, I’m encouraged.

It’s time for me to take that final step. Time for me to welcome change into my life. Time for me to become the most colorful bloom in the garden.