Everyone’s struggle with addiction is different, but hearing about someone else’s experience can offer hope when everything else seems hopeless. We interviewed our Substance Use Disorder Alumni Coordinator, Shay McCormick, about his past battle with addiction, his experience at a drug rehab, and his life in recovery.
How old were you when you started using drugs?
I started experimenting with marijuana when I was 12 years old.
What was your drug of choice?
After marijuana, I started drinking alcohol and using other mild narcotics. Towards the end, my drug of choice was opiates - specifically, heroin or fentanyl.
When did you know you had a problem?
I wasn’t fully aware that I had a problem until the first time I became physically sick from not taking drugs. I was 19 at the time, and I was consistently using but not very conscious of my behaviors. I ended up going a day or two without using and became violently ill. After a few days of being sick, I was told I was having withdrawal symptoms.
When/how did you decide to get help for your addiction?
I didn’t know treatment was an option at the time, so it wasn’t until I was involved with legal trouble that I was sent to treatment for help.
What was addiction treatment like?
Treatment had its ups and downs. When you stop using, you experience physical, mental, and emotional side effects. They were way harder to deal with at home and treatment made it easier to medically detox from the substances. Some days were boring and other days were some of the most fun I had in a long time. Looking back, I’m grateful for those boring days because being bored was a feeling I had to learn to cope with in recovery - it taught me how to endure and how to get out of the boredom without the use of drugs.
Additionally, I found care and love from other people in treatment that I had never experienced before. I found connection from others that were going through similar situations - people who understood exactly how I felt. Most importantly, I found hope again and freedom from active addiction.
Did you want to leave before you were supposed to?
I experienced times of wanting to go home as most everyone does, but it was one of my early victories by learning how to get through those feelings. I later understood that every small decision made during that time, ended up being some of the most important decisions I ever made. I completed 28 days in treatment and was grateful for every day I spent there.
When you left treatment, how did you feel?
I was nervous, scared, and excited leaving treatment. I didn’t want to use anymore, but I didn’t know if I would be strong enough. I had no confidence in myself because I had never experienced staying sober before, but I was excited for the possibilities that my future held at the same time. I leaned on the 12-step program for guidance to keep me clean. When fear showed up, I leaned on others to get me through. Over time I built confidence in myself and my ability to continue living a clean and sober lifestyle.
How did your family and friends act around you?
My family was supportive of me throughout the entire treatment and recovery process. Unfortunately, not everyone was healthy for me to be around so I had to make the decision to distance myself until I was in a better state of mind. I stopped hanging around my old friends that I used drugs with and made new friends that had the same goal as me which was to stay clean. The gap between leaving old friends and making new ones was lonely at times, but it is what had to be done to make a new life for myself.
Did you experience any triggers?
I didn’t have a lot of external triggers because I didn’t hang around the same people or places. I did have some internal triggers mostly around negative emotions. Each time I made it through one, it strengthened my ability. The triggers stopped for me after about 90 days and part of that was from my true surrender to using alcohol or drugs.
What has helped you stay sober/clean?
Purpose and discipline are two things that have really helped me because I didn’t have either when I was using. The 12-step philosophies were an important tool in the beginning. The discipline of going to meetings no matter how I felt that day also helped. I found purpose in meetings and found purpose in life. My son was a big part of that and so were the hobbies and passions I found while in recovery. They have changed my life for the better and put me on a path that I am truly satisfied and happy with. On my good days, I feel a deep sense of purpose, unity, and gratitude.
Is recovery easy?
Recovery is simple, but definitely not easy. When I got out of my own way and totally surrendered, it made recovering a whole lot easier because I ceased fighting. Recovery is life. It has its ups and downs just like anything else - we all go through good and bad times. The downs are not nearly as low as they once were and the best part is they don’t last! In my addiction, my lows just kept getting lower and they seemed to never go away. Now, they might last a few days and I move forward. My highs are a lot more meaningful and fill my heart instead of just my head.
What advice do you have for someone who is reading this?
My advice for someone reading this, assuming they are considering treatment is this: The hardest part of all of this was asking and accepting help. Once I did that, I gave myself a chance at a new life. If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would have all the blessings I have in my life today, it would have been a no brainer to quit using, unfortunately, we can’t see the future. The thing is, I’m surrounded by an entire community of people in recovery and not one person has ever said, “This wasn’t worth it. This sucks and I hate it.” The ones who are saying those things are still in active addiction. Give yourself a chance to live a life worth living. If you truly want something, you will find a way to get it. If you don’t want it, you will find an excuse. If you want a new life, it starts with getting help.
To learn more or schedule an assessment, call or text 423.308.2560.
